Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
