I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
