She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
