i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fuck appropriateness.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
