No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize