i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
