im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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