Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
