I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
