i was born a porn star she said
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
