i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
