just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
