Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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