May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
