she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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