He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
