Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
