I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
