this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
