What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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