8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you didnt know i had herpes?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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