Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
