when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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