I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
