you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
