you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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