Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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