The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
