My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
