If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
