Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
