God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
