Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize