Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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