Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
