no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
