mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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