I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
