yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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