I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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