I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
