Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
