You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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