Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
