you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
