people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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