oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
