I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
