i think my tv is drunk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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