Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
