i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
