I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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