I am in a vortex of obligation.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
