I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
