He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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