Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
whose parrot is this?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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