I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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