As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
