and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
