respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
