he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
