dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
