On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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