i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
