I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
