you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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