also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
