mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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