I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
