i'm signing you up for texting rehab
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
